When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, it can feel frightening, frustrating, and overwhelming — especially if you’re not sure what to say or do. You want to help, but you don’t want to make things worse. You might feel shut out, helpless, or even hurt by their behaviour.
The good news is that you don’t need to have all the answers to make a real difference. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply show up — consistently, patiently, and without judgment.
Here’s how.
1. Start by listening — really listening
When someone is struggling, they often don’t need advice or solutions. They need to feel heard. Resist the urge to fix things or offer reassurance too quickly. Instead, give them your full attention, make eye contact, and let them talk at their own pace.
Simple phrases like:
- “I’m here for you”
- “That sounds really hard”
- “I don’t fully understand, but I want to”
can mean far more than you might realise.
2. Ask — don’t assume
It’s tempting to assume you know what someone needs, but everyone is different. Ask them directly:
“What would be most helpful for you right now?”
Sometimes they’ll want to talk. Sometimes they’ll want company without conversation. Sometimes they’ll want practical help — a lift somewhere, help with a task, or someone to sit with them at an appointment. Asking shows respect and avoids putting your own needs onto theirs.
3. Educate yourself
You don’t need to become an expert, but learning a little about what your loved one is experiencing can help you respond with more empathy and less fear. If they’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD, or another condition — read about it. Understanding what they’re going through can help you feel less helpless and more equipped to support them.
4. Don’t take it personally
Mental health difficulties can make people irritable, withdrawn, unpredictable, or difficult to be around. It’s important to remember that this is the illness talking — not a reflection of how they feel about you. Try not to take it personally when they cancel plans, push you away, or seem unresponsive to your efforts.
This is easier said than done, of course. It’s okay to feel hurt or frustrated — those feelings are valid too. But try not to let them drive your response.
5. Encourage professional support — gently
If you’re concerned about someone, it’s okay to gently suggest that speaking to a professional might help. You might say something like:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been having a really tough time lately. Have you ever thought about talking to someone — a counsellor or therapist? I think it might really help.”
Avoid pressuring or ultimatums — these can backfire and cause the person to shut down. Plant the seed, offer to help them find someone if they’d like, and leave the door open.
6. Stay consistent
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply keep showing up. Send a text. Check in regularly. Invite them to things even if they often say no. Knowing that someone hasn’t given up on them can be profoundly reassuring for someone who is struggling.
Mental health difficulties can make people feel like a burden, or like they don’t deserve support. Your consistency tells them otherwise.
7. Watch out for warning signs
If you’re concerned that someone may be having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, don’t be afraid to ask them directly. Research shows that asking someone about suicidal thoughts does not plant the idea — in fact, it can be a huge relief for someone who has been carrying those thoughts alone.
If you’re seriously concerned about someone’s immediate safety, encourage them to contact their GP, call 111, or go to their nearest A&E. In an emergency, call 999.
8. Look after yourself too
Supporting someone with mental health difficulties can be emotionally draining. It’s not selfish to take care of your own needs — in fact, it’s essential. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Make sure you’re:
- Maintaining your own social connections
- Getting enough rest and exercise
- Setting boundaries where necessary
- Seeking your own support if you need it — whether from friends, family, or a therapist
You matter too. And the more resourced and grounded you are, the more genuinely helpful you can be to the person you care about.
When to seek urgent help
If someone is in immediate danger, always call 999. For urgent but non-emergency mental health support, the Samaritans are available 24 hours a day on 116 123.
About my practice
I’m Klara Vantrubova, an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist based in West Hampstead, London (NW6). I work with individuals experiencing a wide range of mental health difficulties, as well as people who are supporting a loved one through a difficult time.
I offer in-person sessions in West Hampstead NW6, Walk & Talk therapy in the Brondesbury area, and online sessions worldwide. I’m currently accepting new clients.
👉 Book your free consultation here
Klara Vantrubova is an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist based in West Hampstead, London, offering in-person, Walk & Talk and online sessions. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, relationship issues and more.
Integrative Counselling & Psychotherapy 